over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
