The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
