Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Kiss
Puke
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
