Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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