I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's rum buckets o'clock
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
