Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
soo... how was my night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
