...so i touched it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
