No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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