I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
