Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
