I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
