nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
