sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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