he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
