Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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