He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
