I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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