Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
