THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
