I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
