Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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