And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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