did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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