i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
