I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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