he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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