New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
