Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
