Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
