All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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