what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
