Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
