I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
