u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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