last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
