I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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