I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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