iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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