So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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