I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
