Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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