Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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