You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
