Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
