There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
