Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
