I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
