we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
