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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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