Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
