When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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