great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
