Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
