There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
