I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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